That smile that makes me wonder
by Arthuria
Summary: Oneshot Shiori wonders over Shuuichi.


Here's a little thinker that came out from me right now, tell me if I should continue on it.

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Shiori POV

Why did he always do everything himself? Ever since he was little he did everything himself. I thought he was very gifted, and I was happy. He learned to walk early, came towards me and called me "mommy". I smiled at him and he smiled back at me. Or at least that is how I remember it. I remember him smiling at me, like a child should. But when I think back at it, I don't think I can recall him smile at anyone else then me. He never wanted to go out and play with the other kids, not unless I told him that it was a good idea. Then he smiled at me and left, as if he understood what I meant but did it for my sake. He started school and he liked it, the teacher never gave him a bad word he was excellent in class, "A true genius" they said ones and praised me as a mother for tutoring him. But I have no memories of tutoring him when he was so young, yet he instantly learned how to read and write.

He never made a fuss, he was always so polite, even with me he was always polite, and sometimes he said things that made me wonder, said things that made him sound wise beyond his years. Then I fell ill and was taken to the hospital. How I was worried over him, never being able to be at his side to help him, but he visited often and stayed by my side, at that time, for the first time we really talked. We had talked many times, but that time it felt as if we became closer then ever.

I was ill so I never thought about it, but that time it felt as if he was the parent to me, and at that time it felt as if his mind was in peace, as if everything was as it should be. But how could it be, a son being the parent to his mother. I want to wash his clothes, I want to make him lunch for school, I want to hear about his life, what goes well and what is heavy. When I came out from the hospital things began to change, he talked with me more openly, I got to help him with things, he asked questions and he had wonders. Yet in the back of my mind those early years were remembered. Something at the back of my mind told me that he was asking questions, and having wonders, to be polite to me; to ease my pain.

But the months passed and I stopped wondering, things changed back to normal and life moved on peacefully, peacefully, day after day. I loved it, as if there had never been anything else. Happy memories of the past and happy memories of the present.

-"Oka-san what is the matter?" Sweet Shuuichi smiling at me, smiling and understanding smile, as if to ease my pain. I can choose to think of it like that, but I won't. This is the smile of Shuuichi, my dear Shuuichi, he smiles like this to me, and it makes me happy, since it's his smile.

-"I will do the dishes today don't think about it." I want to protest, he shouldn't do that.

-"How was your trip with your friends?" I want to talk with him, but I already know the answer.

-"It was nice, I suppose."

-"Did something happen?" I got an answer I didn't expect, it is so rare to hear him doubtful about anything, trailed of like this.

-"No nothing." That usual calm smile again. "Both Yusuke and Kuwabara-kun were nice they were only a little messy." I'm glad that he spends time with them, he talk about them like real friends; they aren't perfect we know that, but he likes them like real friends, they have their flaws all humans do.

But were are your flaws? Sweet Shuuichi do you have flaws? No one looks bad at you; no one says anything bad at you. I am happy for you, but I am worried, what if they do look bad on you, but you refuse to tell me.

Are you playing a charade in front of me Shuuchi?

Why won't you please take of your mask, why won't you let me hear your sorrows, hear your pain?

Shuuichi, my son, my most precious son. Sometimes you come home late at night, one night I found out that there was a rip on your clothes. I got to mend it for you. But you never told me were you got it from.

When you got home from that trip, your face was so calm, and you spoke to me as you were happy to see me. You felt so close yet there was something distant about it. Something in your eyes, was dying. I wanted to ignore it at first but the moment I remember the more clearly I see it. And the more I see it the more I remember, that face you used to give me so many years ago, that face that told me you didn't need me, that you would never need me ever.

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End file.
